I have had it. I have bent over backwards, put up with stuff

[465]

I have had it. I have bent over backwards, put up with stuff anyone would think is crazy, and still sit here wondering what I can do to "fix" this person. In the beginning, a prince charming, too good to be true type of person. As time progressed, I thought some of his "quirks" were just because he has been single so long. He wanted to be loved, taken care of, etc... Shares essentially no useful information about himself, and has been lying about everything, including his age. How could someone come on so strong, act so loving in the beginning, share all of his thoughts, etc (or so I thought), and here I sit attached to this evil manipulator, who probably thinks he has me on a chain, as a toy to be used whenever the mood strikes. I cant tell you how many heart to heart conversations we had, lots of fun times, and I come to find out (he does not know I know this) that he is full of it on just about everything. I think I am in love with the person I thought he was, and am having trouble accepting that all of that was a big act. If I sit objectively, I have to admit that his treatment of people extends to everyone, including his own children. He takes him all over the country, so he is away a lot. He claims he wants to be settled, yet spends so much time away that it seems unimaginable. You visit him (but interestingly enough none of his kids or anyone else in the free world does) and he rolls out the red carpet. Phone rings, he slinks off to a corner to text. Yet, he loves me. In the beginning, he called several times a day. Made all these proclamations, professions of love, etc... I fell hook, line and sinker. I thought I was LUCKY to find such a great person, having just gotten away from a cheat myself. Details of his past are vague, other than the stories where he is the hero or the victim. Used to throw money around, brags all the time about how much he has. Slowly started to be critical of me (are you wearing that, your house is nowhere as big as mine, my way is better than yours, etc). Went home to visit his children, and did not call for weeks. I guess he slipped into his other life. His ex (or is she an ex) is ten years older than I am, and half of the kids he claims they have together do not even belong to him. (I know that because a friend of mine back rounded him, because I was not strong enough to do so). And, to this very minute, I look back on the times we had and wish to God there was some possible explanation for all this. I cant imagine there could be. If he does not prioritize his family and essentially lives a life where people fall into line because he either buys them or makes them a bunch of empty promises. I thought it was because he had not found someone that could accept him, his work, and his life. As time passed, we grew very close, and I hoped there would come a time where he WANTED to just clean up his life, and be the person I thought he was. He stayed with me for weeks at a time, we talked and dreamed together. Then he went home for the holidays, and told me "holidays are for family". I didn't hear a peep for a few weeks. He resurfaced, tells me about the lavish holidays, presents, and so on.... he didn't even call me on Christmas. Even bought the "ex" a present ... Now hes calling, not calling... I love you, then nothing. I said it to him, no response.. ugh, hate the way I feel. I am a good person. I care too much, I guess

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KGShiva's picture
[80150]
Feb 10

I am sorry to hear about your situation, it is so difficult. Are you guys still in contact or did you lose contact completely? I ask because I feel like maybe a lot of this could be cleared up if you guys talked a little bit about what happened during the holidays. I know that a lot of people appear a little more vulnerable when they first start dating because they want to seem more available, but as time goes it is harder for them to open up about bigger things. Don't take this so hard, I think there is a good chance he just has trouble opening up about the details of his life. Don't get discouraged by this.

Take care,
K.G.

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[3775]
Feb 11

Ajroo I can sympathize. My divorce from my second husband was finalize a few weeks ago. My first husband cheated. Wasn't looking for a new relationship but in swooped the 2nd husband. Swept me off of my feet. We married and he was great at first but as time went on I saw things in him that I chose to ignore. 13 years I gave him. His first wife terminated her rights to their twins (girl and boy) 2 years into our marriage. I adopted and raised them from the age of 5 1/2, they are 20 now. His sociopathic daughter caused the divorce. He too turned into someone that I didn't recognize. We were literally planning our 13 the wedding anniversary the night before we separated. His daughter called and started crap. Now I'm left confused and heartbroken. I wish I knew the answer to why they just flip a switch. Unfortunately I don't but thought I'd let you know you aren't alone. Stay strong. Pay attention to your inner voice. It's almost always right.

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