its not easy

Im a 17 year old female and i've never been skinny in my life. I've always consider myself to be chubby one year i gained 50 pounds i think i was about 12 and it changed they way i looked and thought of myself i couldent believe i put on that much weight i didnt realize i was doing it. for the past couple of years i've been trying to work out at home because thats the only way i can. im in a new town im always telling my mother that i need to go to a gym but she procrastinates all the time to try to get me some help i cant to it alone, after a while i just started to buy work out DVD's and start dancing to keep me active but this is way harder than i thought but i have to do this i give up on everything i just let Opportunity pass me by because im so self conscious about my body and the way i look i havent warn a dress in about 4 years skirt 5 years . It had gotten to the point were i wouldent eat or when i did eat i threw it up i feel like if i dont eat i'll lost more. when i look in the mirror i don't like what i see, my eyes go straight to my thighs them my stomach then i look my self in the eyes and wish it would just go away but one day i hope that my weight loss will be a healthy journey and i'll be truly happy with me......