what a headache

The MRI was a headache and i don't like needles i had two shots and MRI yesterday and today. I was unable to sit up today because today sadly the conversion disorder didn't allow it. I was upset just before it happened because i thought the MRI was going to take three hours and it only took two because of that i almost didn't want to do it. Next week i see my neurologist and the week after that i have to say goodbye to my nurse at the psychiatrist office im deeply upset about this. I thought of playing a cruel joke on a friend who i didn't really want to hang out with i was going to say i was going to kill myself if we went out. So we didn't have to i know its wrong still i think of doing it. I already told my therapist. She said it was wrong to lie and tell her that. I just don't know what to do. My depression was bad yesterday i thought of killing myself and had pills to do it even though there locked up. But i didn't i thought it might be better to tell a little white lie than to kill myself