my baby

Have you and your husband sought counseling in dealing with the new change in your lives? I can understand your stress. You have alot going on. Are your teenagers helping out like with the cleaning and cooking?

I am married and a mom of 3 - ages 20, 18, 16 and I know just how busy I stay taking care of my crowd. I am ready to drop in bed most days before 8pm!

My husband dosent even see the problem I see. this is his first and only kid. since ive been doing daycare for twelve years and ive been a mom for 17 years he thinks i have all the answers. when ever anything comes up with our son he says you know better than me cause your with him 24/7. that is true I am and I do know mostly what to do but sometimes it would be nice if he would take some resoponsibility for our little guy. cause if i make a wrong choice then he is mad with me. He helps me out with my daycare every morning so i think he has a clue some of how hard my job is but he only watches them for a few hours, and im here as well. then he goes off to work. I dont think he relizes i have to clean, cook, do laundry, take care of our son which is a full time job all by itself. On top of watching 7 other children. my income is our main source so quitting is not an option. My husband is self employed also and trying so hard to make his business work. I know he has alot on his plate, and his family is always there in a crunch. he is lucky enough to have a wonderful mom and support system. I am not my family lives in ny and texas and pensylvania. my dad passed away in 1997. I have a few friends but they all have there own thing i try not to burden others and thats why im doing this cause i know i need something. I do know men usually dont get it and thats ok I dont expect my husband to get everything, i just need some help sometimes and thats where he lacks. on top of the fact that he complains about the little things and my other two kids he is not sure about how to handle them either. its hard coming late into the game. but that is for another day. thanks for your advice

Would your husband considered counseling with you? Also there are support groups around for families with special children? Maybe look for one in your area and see if your husband would be willing to attend.

Have you spoken to your husband about needing his help and if you have, what was his reply? If you do talk with your husband about this try to plan a time that is good for you both and that you won't have any interruptions. Try to keep the talk so both are speaking in calm voices. You may not hear what you want but at least it is a step in the right direction.

If you need more help from the family, then hold a family meeting about it letting the others know this.

As we can't read others minds neither can they read our minds. Keep posting. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))

I have looked for a support group in my area and i have not had any luck finding one. My son was born with a digaphrmatic hernia, I never knew what this was until it happen to me. I have found a group with special babies but most of them have had heart defects and that is a very different journey then mine. I have never asked my husband about counseling but I know he is a fan he is a recovering adict as well. I have told him I need his help and I beleive he thinks he is doing all he can. he may be doing his best im not sure what he thinks. if i tell him what to do and that i need a break he always watches our son but if im gone to long the text messages start about how things are going. I know that means i need to get home soon. He is a good husband but with him trying to get his business off the ground his time is limited. its a catch 22 cause if he worked for someone else he couldnt be as flexible when baby lands in the hospital, but we would more than likely have more money so i could hire a full time helper. its hard to say what is best, but i feel the need to just play the supportive role I dont want resentment cause of the baby or me. he wants to go for this dream and even though I think the timing is wrong i never say that to him. as for the family like i stated earlier his is there and does all that they can, but they all have jobs and lives of there own you can only ask so much before you wear people out. Mine is to far to help. before this i never asked for or needed any help so that in general is hard for me. thanks for all your wonderful suggestions. I have tried looking for something closer to home but right now this site is all i found and so far your the only one even talking to me, and helping me talk things out. that is a big help cause you dont know me so there is no judgement there.

I know how much it helps just to have someone listen on the other end. Though I don't have a baby with special needs, I am a mom of 3 and a wife. I know how busy it can keep you. Maybe you can arrange some type of down time for you each day - it doesn't have to be long. I try to do that each day. Even with some downtime, I still feel like I am runned ragged and exhausted by the end of the day. There are so many things that can pop up unexpected in life. My husband works a job and he makes great money. Sometimes it requires him to be out of town. I run the household and try to make it so he doesn't have much to do when he comes home. That in itself puts a load on me. Just earlier this morning I was talking to him how I would like some help with some things around here. Not necessarily all the help being from him but our other daughters who still live at home. Everyone seems to be ok with me doing it all. Sometimes that just gets to be too much. I need a vacation but not one where I have to pack up and go somewhere. Just a vacation where I have nothing to do but then I probably wouldn't know what to do with myself. LOL Please keep sharing. I am here for you. ((((hugs))))

Thats funny you say that I mostly do everything as well my older to kids dont help much and when they do they only do what asked nothin more or less. my husband will help with the household choirs at times he seems to do laundry alot. I do everything else even the laundry when he doesnt. I could use a vaction too sometimes i think about taking the baby overnight some where and just hid out. let them all sweat it out a bit. maybe c all i do but i know i will never do that. its always nice to be apriciated. your very lucky your husband makes good money. I didnt have to work with my first husband but that didnt work out. thats when i opened my daycare cause raising my own kids was just to important to not do. so i feel like i found the perfect job to stay home and still provide. my ex is very good about paying his child support as well as keeping his visitation. we can manage to be civil at events the kids have. if our marriage was this good it may have worked but he was verbal abusive and i had had enough of that. I dont know what is going to happen with all of this i love my husband and want things to work but sometimes im just not sure. being marrIed is just to hard sometimes. I know he feels that way sometimes too. thanks for writing to me its nice to talk anyway.

Let me ask you this if I may. How would things be without your husband in the picture? This is just you and I talking. I know how much I would miss my husband if he weren't here. He goes on business trips sometimes for a week or two at the time so I know what it is like when he is not here. I am just so very glad to see him when he gets back. Besides loving my husband, it's nice to just have someone here to share everything with even though he doesn't do alot around the house. Just knowing he is here and having him here helps me. We try to make some time for each other each day. It's not always alot but it's time spent together. Just taking a few minutes to sit together, hold each other, hug each other. It sure helps me when he puts those big strong arms around me, you know.

I do think about what my life was like as a single parent and at times it seems like it would be easier. not having to talk to anyone about anything just doing what you need to do. which is usually the end result as i told you in an earlier comment all the baby decisions are mine anyway. i do like the companinship of being married but i can have that and not have to please him all the time. so i dont know what i want I know i wont jump to do anything in haste. I know our son needs us both but i dont know if its us being together or not. I know my husband regrets getting himself in this marriage at times cause he'll say I dont know how i got here. I love my husband but wonder if that will be enough or if the stress of it all will take its toll on us both and we will be better parents apart. I dont know right now so i just keep trying to "make him happy" with doing more cooking and better cleaning as he asked and I just keep trying to lose weight so i will be a sexier me for all parties as well as just try and get more daycare kids so money wont be a worry.only time will tell i want things to work thats why im giving it my all cause quitting is not always an easy choice either.

I was just sitting here this morning talking with one of my daughters about how it is for me around my home. She and I sat up for most of the night and talked. She is home visiting for the holidays. It is great to have her here. She is one that I can really talk to. It can be stressful at times seeming like we carry most of the load. We work so very hard to be there for everyone else. It can take a toll on us at least I know it does me. I have to admit I have at times thought what it would be like just by myself. I do have my moments of feeling like just running away but to where? I don't won't be be gone permanently. I am just so very glad that your baby has you there for him. He is very lucky. Us moms go through alot, have alot of love and will move Heaven and Earth for our kids.

Might I ask you plans are for Thanksgiving?

yes were going to my inlaws for thnksgivivng. as to where to run away to I grew up on the east coast im a new yorker at heart. i have much family there i could visit as well as friends. also a childhood friend of mine lives in florida would love to see her, go to disney. but i need money for that but thats what i would do just a mini vacation for me and baby. but sometimes i think about just renting a local motel room and hide away there for the night and let them all wonder where im at. but mostly my husband i think a good worry might be good for him. i need less money for that. i think i will do that one when the time is right. well see how it goes. how about u for thanksgiving going any where special?