Just need a little advice..

Okay Hello Everybody, I am new here so bare with me.

I am 20 years old and I am currently getting my associates at a community college. I am now working at a full time job where I am making good money. I am extremely lucky to have gotten this job at my age without a finished degree. My mom used to work here a couple years ago, and my father is currently designing their furinture for their new office. That is probably a good reason on why they decieded to take a chance with me. And I am really doing well here, they are satifised with my progression so far and how well i am picking up on things.

I am also attending school at night in the fall to finish out my degree, and I love working out at the gym. But i'll tell ya, i am so packed with MY life, that i have no time for other people in my life.

And it all sounds good everything I just typed up right? but its not. I am still not happy. I miss being my age, I miss having all my friends. I have been so busy that I lost most of them, i only have a few who i see on the weekends. And I have a wonderful boyfriend, he is really spectactular, but for some reason I am no longer in love with him. And it hurts me becuase I used to feel so much for him. We click so well, he is my best friend, but the love is just simply not there anymore. He is 28 years old and has no direction in his life. He needs to get his life together he is so lazy and I'm always on the go. He needs to support himself and make changes in his life. I feel like I need someone more active.

I know it sounds stupid, but I miss the passion we used to have. We haven't had any sort of intimacy in a little over a month. He made me stop by his place the other night like it was some sort of planned event, and I was just not into it anymore. The kisses felt too quick, his touch felt clamy, my body stayed tense. Nothing felt good. I find myself yearning for a better kiss, a passionate kiss, one that sends shivers down your spine. And yet I stay with him becuase I dont remember what life would be like without him. But what kind of person am I staying with him just for my convience?

There is something in my life missing and I can't seem to place my finger on it. I am not depressed. I am not sad. It seems like I got it all to the people on the outside. Nobody knows who i really am.

On the weekends i tend to hang out with the wrong crowd. And how ironic for someone who seems to be doing so well. I have experimented with all different types of drugs, but I never really got addicted to anything besides pot & alcohol. In fact anything I have tried has usually made me extremely depressed once I came down, or I became sick and threw up. On the weekends, if I don't smoke or drink, I had a bad time. I always feel like I need some sort of vice to get me out of my strict schedule. And I hate it because after I smoke, I'm lazy as hell. I don't even really socialize. I stare. How boring is that. But yet i want it regardless.

Something is missing and I don't know what it is. When I was younger, I got myself into a lot of trouble. I used to sneak out, hang with the wrong crowds, and get so high or drunk that I forgot who I was waking up to. But since I have decided to change my life around, everybody is so happy for me. Everybody thinks I am doing the right thing. And i am, I know I am, but for some reason I am still not satisfied. No matter how hard I try I'm still left with wanting more...

Has anybody else felt like this? I can't say I'm depressed because that is simply the wrong feeling. I am not sad, the gym makes me so happy. It really does, when I leave there from a hard workout, I feel better then ever. And it gives me pleasing results. I think I am pushing myself too hard, and sometimes all I want to do is party and not worry about a thing. We all know that life will bring us downhill.