Why Doesn't Logic Work?

I just signed up for this site and I'm really trying to stop my smoking from a number of different angles. First, a little background.

I'm a 33 year old male. I have a bad history of not taking care of myself. I have blood pressure problems that go back to when I was 17 years old. I had a long history with drugs (mild AND the hard stuff) as well as a drinking problem that lasted a number of years.

Around 2003, I finally gave up the drugs and severely cut back on the alcohol. A 4 day hospital stay for my blood pressure helped scare me away from drugs and hard drinking. You would think that cigarettes would have easily gone as well. Not so. I was so damned wrapped up in cigarettes that I still couldn't give them up.

Around 2005, I actually did give up cigarettes for about 5 months. This wasn't spurred on by anything in particular; just tired of being a smoker and was still a bit scared about my health. I quit cold turkey and endured 5 months of white-knuckle willpower hell. Sure, I had moments that I felt fantastic and was supremely proud of myself but I still had a huge desire to light up at many points. I didn't use any support group, hypnosis, nicotine replacement methods, etc. I figured I could just give it up on my own as I had hard drungs and liquor. All that changed on my birthday that year when a friend from high school came to my party. It started feeling like old times and, a few beers later, I was 3 cigarettes back into the addiction.

Over the last week, I started to get headaches in my left temple and they were beginning to increase at quite a high rate. Me, being a doctor-phobe, searched all over google for any self-help remedy or diagnosis of these headaches. I stumbled upon descriptions of what is called "cluster-headaches". These, apparently, are worse than migraine headaches and I had every symptom of them. There were a number of natural home remedies & methods available and I started trying a number of them (with pretty limited results). I won't bore you with everything I tried but let's just say I went to such ridiculous extremes as rubbing my temple with cayenne pepper and lining my nostrils with the stuff as well (NOT fun). Anyway, these things didn't work and I HAD to get some relief so I bundled up all of my nerves and headed to a walk-in clinic last Thursday.

It was a good thing that I decided to get checked out as upon the routine blood pressure check, it was revealed that I had stroke-level blood pressure and was in serious trouble. I was rushed over to the ER and admitted into the hospital. Once hooked up to an IV and given some seriously strong painkillers, things quickly returned to normal. The blood pressure fell like a rock and the pain started to go away. I was released late the next afternoon. I asked the doctor if my high blood pressure had caused the headache and he said that the opposite was true; the headache caused the spike in blood pressure. Regardless, I haven't been taking good care of myself and it was all bad.

While in the hospital, the staff put me on the nicotine patch, Herbitrol as I wasn't allowed to smoke under their care. Either way, after this latest health debacle, I've made up my mind that I HAVE to be done with smoking. My father was a life-long smoker until he dropped dead of a heart attack at age 50 and I will NOT go out like that. Did I also mention that I have type II diabetes? So, the idea of me continuing to smoke is about as pleasant and comforting as snuggling with a grenade after the pin has been pulled.

I've been on the patch for 6 days now and, for the most part, it seems to be going okay. I still have quite a few cravings, but it seems to be keeping me from climbing the walls. I signed up for this site and I'm even listening to self-help audio books/hypnosis to try to stay motivated.

I'm usually not open about stuff like this but after failing so miserably after the 5 month quit back in 2005, I'm determined to do whatever it takes to stay off of these things and I need all the help and support that I can get. If anyone has any advice, comments, support, please let me know.