May 21, 2012 | Subscribe

Stressful relationship comes to a violent end

Bit of history here; I was with a woman for about 2 years. It was full of friction; even though we had a lot in common we ended up fighting a lot. It never got physical, more along the lines of one of us steaming off in a huff and making up a few days later.

Not long ago there was another blow up; we both knew it was over and I was trying to be strong and firm. I said something to the effect that she is always upset about something and never happy. Her response was a punch to my face. I never saw it coming and it wasn't a slap because it didn't sting, there is no question it was a slug. Now, I have never in my life struck a woman. It is just not in me. My only thought at that point was getting out of there as quickly as possible because nothing good could come after that.

It has been a couple weeks and I have been adapting to the pain, trying to deal with a new lifestyle that doesn't involved constant contact with her. I have deleted all phone numbers, emails, etc so I will not be tempted in a moment of weakness.

She sent me a card with an apology, she loves me, can't live with out me, etc. I have no intention of going back. At the same time, the compassionate part of me does not want to know that somebody I once cared about deeply is sorry. Sometimes we need to be forgiven; I can forgive without consenting to go back.

So I am torn, because I fear any contact will just start up the whole cycle again. But I don't want her to go through life with an unresolved issue.

Help. :(

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By bluidkiti on Thu, 06-10-10, 09:17

Hi BeenThereDoneThat, Whether you talk with her again is up to you. She needs help. No person deserves to be punched. That is abuse. It doesn't matter whether you are a man or woman. I might would give it some more time if you were going to contact her again. If you don't want to go back with her then don't give her any hopes that it will happen. Keep sharing. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))

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By BeenThereDoneThat on Thu, 06-10-10, 10:29

Thanks bluidkiti,

I agree that she needs help. Deep down she is a good person who has had the crap kicked out of her over and over; I realize it is not my job or even in my power to fix that for her and she will never be happy until she deals with that. Easy to accept intellectually, but the heart is a different story. :) This is my struggle. In fact it has been my struggle all along.

At this particular time I can't imagine anything good coming from contact other than to ease my own conscience. Maybe I need to put that off until more time goes by and I am stronger.

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By BeenThereDoneThat on Sun, 06-13-10, 18:12

Man, I am so torn up about this. Even though I know we are done and it could never work, I am still having a hard time. I want her to know she is forgiven but I don't trust myself to allow any sort of contact, even email.

It's been a long time since I have been this heart sick :(

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By bluidkiti on Mon, 06-14-10, 10:06

Hi BeenThereDoneThat, If you don't trust yourself yet then leave it alone. If you are a praying person then I suggest praying for guidance in this. I know it is tough right now but it will get better eventually. In the meantime keep sharing with us. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))

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By BeenThereDoneThat on Mon, 06-14-10, 10:54

Well I used to be the praying type but God and I have not been on speaking terms for a very long time :( I can't sleep, can't eat, want to just crawl under a rock. Amazing that for all the fights we had and the complaining I did when I was with her...why does it still hurt so much?

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By BeenThereDoneThat on Tue, 06-15-10, 06:28

Well I sent an email telling her it's over. But I can't understand why I miss her so much, why I want to go back because this loneliness and despair is just too much. Havent slept or eaten in days and I can't think of anything else. The thought of her with someone else is killing me.

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