May 21, 2012 | Subscribe

Recovering Stay at home mom!!

Just a bit about my situation. I am a recovering addict with no Discrimination towards drugs. Anything was better than the pain. I have been in jail numberous times, finally to rehab and I have successfully completed all probation requirements. I have a very loving boyfriend and a beautiful son (age 4) They have stuck by me. I was sober alittle over a year just completed all my probation requirements and I relapsed!!! One day, One FUCKING day. My boyfriend supports me and he thinks that locking me in this home and raising our child will keep me sober? My son is at a challenging age and although I have NO desire to use there is a DEEP Pain when I think of the things I have done. Or I look in my sons eyes. I don't want to be that person. There is a group in town I went to when after a meeting a male member locked the doors and made advances towards me. What the??? I haven't been back. I don't look like an addict, people don't know, and the people I tell are shocked! I was a smart successful women. Who the HELL am I now???

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By Cosmosphere on Thu, 12-03-09, 20:03

I can only imagine how difficult that must have been for you. My illness also caused me great pain. We can only hope that treatments improve for people like you and I.

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By bluidkiti on Sat, 12-05-09, 09:16

I am a recovering stay at home mom. I had a bad experience after going to meetings for many years BUT not all meetings are the same. Did you tell anyone what this person at the meeting did to you? I can bet you are probably not the only one there that this has happened to. You have all kinds of people at the meetings just like you have all kinds of people out in this world. Please don't let this one person stop you from going to meetings yourself. Check to see if there is another in your area or nearby. There is also many online recovery sites you can go to and online meetings you can attend. You are not alone. Feel free to share with us here and to message me or email me anytime. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))

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By fringegoddess on Sat, 12-05-09, 13:05

Thank you, and yes I have looked into other meetings and yes I'm sure I'm not the only one. Since my relapse my boyfriend took the car and my cell phone. I think if he could put me in a glass cage he would. He dosen't understand how we (my son, him, and our family) could be soo happy and why why do I do this?? I know alot of people my think that that is controling but we have talked soo much and he is scrared that I will hurt them again so here I am a stay at home mom stuck here. With nothing but this computor to help. He noticed I was on-line looking for help and he got scared. He dosen't understand and I fight to be strong cause I feel week asking for help. But I know that I need you guys. Whoever you are that just getting things off my chest is a great help. I feel a bit traped. I feel a bit well I don't know. I know that he wants us to be this family and keep my son safe but I don't think this is the way. Thank You Again so much

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By bluidkiti on Sun, 12-06-09, 10:31

Has your boyfriend thought about going to Alanon? That may help him. I sent you a message.

I remember a conversation I had with my husband once. I told him it was okay if he didn't understand but it was important for me to understand about myself that I am an alcoholic and I need help. No matter what - recovery is something I have to do for myself for there to be an us.

I certainly understand your feelings of being trapped. Would your boyfriend be willing to go to an open AA meeting with you? Would you be ok with him going to one with you?

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