Baggage

These are the thoughts exactly one hour before a possible secondary finding-

There are things that can be dealt with easily, and things that can’t. Just because one is able to cope with a certain scenario, does not make it any less harrowing than one that is considered “too much to bear”. Realistically, those burdens which cannot be carried end up being anyway, because as I have mentioned often in my other pieces, time move on and it really is the one thing that is completely out of our control.
We cannot remove a burden from our shoulders; we can only bear it by our continued existence or trade it in for a new load, disguised as a slightly easier parcel. For example, chemotherapy in all its viciousness can be too horrible for some to bear. Depending on the specific cocktail and severity of the treatment, it can be harder to bear than cancer ever would be. Therefore, such a patient decides to trade one burden in for another, the concept and realization of actively ceasing treatment. This decision has its own symptoms, and while some consider overwhelming nausea and relentless pain to be hardships, they soon learn the physical is often better born than mental. Try guilt, loneliness and anger on for size, and see how it feels nestled in the groves of your wearied back. How does it feel to march uphill, downhill and constantly forward laden with a decision which will weigh on you and those around heavier than any other you shall ever make?
I digress, although another completely separate article can be formed around the concept that it’s a fine line between vigilance and obsession, the wait is horrendous nonetheless. Besides when it comes to being either one or the other, I chose the latter. Call me obsessed and many will, but I'd rather that than being in the dark about my health again.