Just Checking In

here I am. Baring myself to the world. I have been drinking to excess to dull the voices in my head! a pint or two sometimes three of whiskey, sometimes a bottle or two of wine, and then the holy trinity; a 40oz, a fruity drink, and a 1/2 pint. I had given myself over to magical thinking. If I could take sacrament with the "trinity" and not blackout that would be my sign for a better life!
There is no magic. Not in drinks and not in numbers. I bring up numbers because I count all the time. My current counselor believes that I suffer from OCD. As part of last weeks homework - I was to call my MD and arrange for a referral. Instead I made an appointment with my MD. He disagrees. I am following his plan. I like my counselor but she is short term at best; part of my EAP. My doctor knows all that effects me and the possible interactions of medications that I am already on. At 45 - who doesn't pop a few pills.
Regardless, I have at her suggestion, been reading "staying Sober". It has done much to educate me about PAWS. I do not regard PAWS as an excuse but rather as empowerment - it has taught me much about myself and increased my will to recover!
This will have to be it for now - hope to hear from some of you soon!