HOCD or gay??

**Let me start of by saying that all this started when I went to therapy for anger and I finally revealed to another human being that I was "molested" as a child by an older boy. Did I like it?? well it felt good but I still remember having shame b/c of it. I subsequently became a bed wetter for years, until I was 12.
In between I messed with other boys but always wanted to be with girls, as gf's and what I described as love.**
Up until I released this information of my abuse I wanted women, I couldn't get enough of women. Girl sat on my lap, instant hard on, women were my drug of choice. But everytime I could never come during sex, only through masturbation. (I think i was scared of the whole pregnancy thing) After I released this info I became obsessed that I could be gay, even told my gf at the time and she was very supportive. I went to a gay group meeting and I was like this is not me. I had other gf's in between and the only one that made cum easily was my gf who I told about maybe being gay and another chick who I thought was ugly.
To get my nagging suspicions out I decided to try a sexual encounter with a guy and I did get hard but I remember thinking WTF, this is boring and not what I expected (no fireworks), I didn't even cum.
Now I have a new gf and the story is repeating itself and I don't like it. I told her about my past and she was fine with it, I have never in my life imagined myself falling in love with a guy just women. I've gone to gay bars with female friends and was never turned on with what I saw. But now I can't stop obsessing about if I'm gay.
I feel my issues come from liking anything taboo bc I must admit lesbian, milf, pregnant, gay porn, cheerleaders and stories turn me on but it's hard to stop the voices in my head from making me think i'm gay.
I still have to do a double take when I see a hot girl.
-side note, I never found men attractive, they just didn't exist in my mind until I started obsessing about being gay, now I see a guy and all these thoughts run through my head-
I feel strange now b/c I dont get hard when I see a hot girl or my gf naked but I do if I know we are going to have sex, is this normal or I'm I gay?? by the way I'm 32, I'm I having a midlife crisis?