May 17, 2012 | Subscribe

Lost and scared

I have been gambling for a few years now and at first it was just $20.00 or so at a time. I have won enough to have it finally get a hold of me and now I can't stop. I spend money we don't have and don't pay the bills like I should. I go on lunch breaks and before I go home at night. I know I can't keep doing this and must find a way to stop or I will lose everything. I am almost at a loss for words. I feel panic all the time. I try to tell my self not to do it. But I always end up trying to win the big pot. If I could walk away when I win I would proably be ahead. But I can win a bunch then think I will win more and just keep on playing. All I know is I feel a lone and scared and I know in my heart I must find help or well I am to afraid to even think of what might happen. I have had to borrow money and try to keep this secret from my family. Right now I just feel sick inside. How can I stop this from eating my mind up. Does anyone have any ideas? Help? Or anything? I tell my self to stay out of places that have video lottery and I try but I always end up in places I have no business being in. Lost, scared and no hope.

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By whitetiger95240 on Fri, 05-28-10, 13:48

Now would be the time to put a stop to it, before you end up in really bad trouble. I wish I'd gone for help much sooner. Just thankful that I have a husband who loves me and supports me in my effort to stop gambling. I was sure he was going to leave or kick me out, but he surprised me. Unconditional love, something I never thought much about before. There is strength in numbers. You can't do this alone. Find a Gamblers Anonymous near you. Take care and God bless. Just for today, I will not gamble. One day at a time.

Support Points: 35

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By Justtired on Mon, 08-23-10, 14:13

Mary Joe Sullivan
I will begin GA on Fridays at 5:30 - 6:30 pm located at the United Methodist Church for my gambling addiction. I want to save my marriage because I truly love my husband and I will not loose him to this addiction. This is why I'm seeking victory.

There are so many addictions these days until it is difficult to determine which one is any worse than the other. I am inclined to believe that they are all connected in some way. I agree that one addiction leads to another. I have been trying to quit smoking but I find myself using smoking as a vice in order to refrain from eating too much and gambling to have something to do to when not eating. I've gained weight everytime I've tried to stop smoking. I get depressed from being fat so I start smoking again. Certain things get on my last nerve and I want to smoke to get past the irritability of being irked by someone elses idiocencracies. Not a good vice. I use to feel that everyone has a vice of some sort (addiction) so why can't I? I use to like to drink wine but now as I'm getting older and taking various medications, I can no longer drink any alcohol. I do not have biological children and sometimes feel that I've missed out on certain aspects of being a woman, more importantly a "Mother". I believe that women who experiences childbirth are beautiful and more responsible than those of us who have not experienced conception. A certain inner beauty surfaces when a woman is blessed with bringing new life into the world. People always say the same thing.... your life changes completely when a child is born. Mother's appear to be more grounded and responsible than those who are childless. I don't enjoy shopping, clubbing, dancing (any more), cooking, and I didn't like dating when I was in between marriages. I was 20 years old when I first married. I took birth control pills for 11 years during that marriage. As a result, we grew up together and grew apart. I accepted that as a norm. My second marriage was on the rebound. It lasted 8 years, and my third marriage was a rebound as well because I was lonely. I married my high school classmate which turned out to be more of a classmate type relationship rather than a marriage rich with love. It apparently took the first 50 years of my life learning what I really truly wanted out of this life. I said that I would never marry again because of trials and tribulations that life subjected me to. If I had not experienced "growing pains of life" I would not be the strong, determined, confident survivor that I am today. Trust me whitetiger 95240, life goes on after divorce(s). Hold your head up high and know that the situations with your husband's and wives isn't your fault. It is hard not to show your emotions and your pain but do it anyway. Let go and move forward in a positive direction. I learned to LOVE Jesus Christ our Saviour first before sharing my special love with anyone else on earth. Stay strong and keep the faith and just BELIEVE. I am finally truly happily married at age 56 to a wonderful man who truly loves me for who I am and not what he expects me to be. (smile) God loves you.

P.S. By the way, I am not holier than thou, I'm seeking victory with my gambling addiction now. I've joined a support group. If I want to keep my wonderful husband, this is his requirement. Count me in. I hope that I have helped someone in some way.
Mary Joe

Support Points: 1035

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By sam59 on Tue, 08-24-10, 16:12

Mary I know how you feel. All i can tell you is it is a struggle. In the last couple of months I have been staying away more and more. I am 51 years young and I want to be able to get my house payed off and all my bills. If I keep gambling I never will. Yes I still struggle. Once I start I can't stop. I am always after the big pay off. I know I need support too. I never go. You have made the big first step, finding support from others who have the same problem. I am sure your husband loves you and if so he will support you. When I go into a casino I have stop carrying those things. I take in just 40-50 and that is all. Seems by the time I get back to my car reasoning has come back to me. I want something I can touch and hold and something that gives me pleasure beyond the minute. I still love to go in and gamble but how bad do I want to stop, more than life itself. Keep going to support groups. Find someone to call before you go in. I know it is hard. As I said I have no hard rules or I wouldn't do it at all either. Someday I will be free of this. Someday I too will find the answers. It is a struggle each day. I am doing better each day. Keep trying hun, you will get thru this too. I will pray for you I know you can and will beat this.

Some day we will all be free

Support Points: 115

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By sam59 on Tue, 08-24-10, 16:14

Some day we will all be free

Support Points: 115

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By sam59 on Tue, 08-24-10, 16:14

Some day we will all be free

Support Points: 115

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By sam59 on Tue, 08-24-10, 16:15

Some day we will all be free

Support Points: 115

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By sam59 on Tue, 08-24-10, 16:15

Some day we will all be free

Support Points: 115

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By Justtired on Sat, 08-28-10, 00:01

I attended my first GA group meeting on Friday evening from 5:30 p.m. - 7:00 p.m. I must admit that I didn't know what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised to see how many people were in attendance. The group had started the round table introductions with a summary of the straw that broke the camel's back which made "us" aware of the fact that we had a real disease. We really are compulsive gamblers who would not stop because we just knew that the next spin would be the one.... the jackpot. We had absolutely no control over ourselves from the moment of entering the casino(s). It is almost like the big "eye" - camera picked up on us entering and targeted us to strip us of every dollar we walked in with. Sure, we all had that one "big" win in the beginning when the machines ousted Bingo. But that was the trick of the devil to get us hooked immediately. I kept my promise to my husband to attend and now I will not ever miss another meeting. The Church where we have our meetings is so beautiful and serene until if puts you in a peaceful state of mind upon entry. I'm determined to NEVER enter a casino again to gamble. Now I will take it one day at a time for the rest of my life. I will find VICTORY.
Mary Joe

Support Points: 1035

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By Wanting to get better on Wed, 01-19-11, 08:39

There are support groups for you to attend, they will help you find you way out of this. i am sure you want to stop because you came here. I will you well and hope you get better.

Support Points: 2590

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