Why do I believe in a will to change

So this is going on day three after I meet mr folding chair across my nose. Today I can breath he vowed to change but I know the truth he wont cause deep down it is all my fault. Some would call me stupid crazy ect. hey thats better than what he called me last week. Why do I believe he loved me? Because he said it how stupid! I know my medicine costs a lot of money every month but I still am sober right? you said I have been on the meds too long I'am not worth the money spent. Words do hurt but hitting me with a folding chair! Come on not even a roach deserves that kind of treatment. It's been almost three years since I said so long to my best friend in the world any kind type of opioid I could find. They were my friend when you were not there, but like you it was fake. You have me believing that I am the one to blame for your drinking problem! Deep down I know you don't believe it your drinking side made you believe that I am to blame. I know what it's like to black out I dont think I'am any better than you, I used and drank partied and blacked out many a times before I meet Mr. Vicodin and then from there well you know the story, or do I need to go over all the past and remind you what I did so you can relax and think well mine is not that bad! Sorry I didn't clean the house enough sorry I lost my job sorry I went to the Dr so I could get my monthly suboxene and used your money sorry I didn't do your resume sooner soory I didn't suck your dick good enough so sorry that I'am sorry for all of this and the list goes on and on and oh yeah I almost forgot I'am very sorry for saying this cause now I'am playing the victom right! But as you always say like the couple that lives above us in our tiny apt that we live in cause I cant get a good enough job to buy a house for our family he is worse off than you and I have no reason to complain because you are not as bad as him. You dont push me around like he does his wife. You don't drink as much as he does so that is an excuse to keep on well honey guess what I could of been alot worse off too when I decided to give in and ask for help. I know help makes you seem weak and a man can never do that! After all is said and done at the end of the day I can smile and say thank God I still donot use drugs or drink although I still love you and forgive you for what you have done to me and your family. We are here for you even though we are not in the house with you. As long as you continue to drink we will be staying in a safe place. Again we love you and you are welcome to be here with us and feel our presence again you will have to chose us or the bottle. Your wife wonmoreday