having to let go

I am dying inside. I'm the mother of 2 yr old TRIPLETS. I am a co-dependent recovering drug addict. I meet my husband at a recovery meeting...not a smart move. Not long after we began dating, he began using suboxene..because he did not want to go back to using..he abused those. However, I married him anyway. Because he promised to quit after he got off our honeymoon cruise....well to make a long story short...he is still using. He quit the subxone and began using other drugs. About the time, our children were born he decided that he needed to get on methadone. He abuses his meds takes the entire bottle in two weeks and then buys and swaps from buddies. I decided when babies were a year old that I was tired...forced him to go to Bradford. He stayed clean about two weeks and returned to his pain management doctor behind my back....I left him when I found only to return because of more promises. In Sept of 2009..he got out of control again and i knew something was different this time. After I asked him to leave, I realized that he had a girlfiend. After that I had divorce papers drawn up and blocked his number. He went into treatment in Nov and I began trying to just be supportive of him. Made no promises....he was kicked out of treatment a week before Christmas. (which he lied about) I told him that was it..so he missed Christmas with his entire family and spend it with some buddies using...In Jan, he showed up in back in our home town. he stayed at the salvation army for awhile and did good....With Gods help I had forgiven him for his affair and things got better....for a month or two....Then he went back to dr behind my back again. I have had to try to let go and let God..being an addict myself I feel so sorry for him at times. I know how it feels to want to quit but cant. However, I feel sorry for me as well. I have had to return to work and support my kids. Since leaving in Sept..he has given me 175 dollars...I sent him cigs in treatment supported him till he found a job. I told him a month ago no more money..no more help from me. I have kids to take care of...It is just so hard physically to take care of kids. I get so mad..he should be here helping. I have been going to celebrate recovery and attending the co-dep group. when I can...hard to go to the grocery store. Family helps watch kids so I can go to work. They dont want to watch them for me to go to the places I need for support. I know the only hope for him is for me to be tough. The pain of losing me and kids might be enough to motivate him to change. However I know some people never change. I am just angry and hurt. I did want my kids to have a broken home. I do not want a divorce. I am a Christian and know God can change anyone. I know divorce grieves God but I will not allow my kids to grow up around addiction. I will raise them alone if I have to. I just want to get well...I want to be happy again. I want my kids to have a good life....I dont want to be in the same place next year.....