PainfulOne's Journey Through Life (or what's left of it)

Today is July 12, 2010. I have been without work for over a year now. Getting lots of queries, phone interviews. I have actually had 3 total "in person" interviews.. all to no avail.

I'm getting panicky as my "unemployment" runs out on the 16th of this month. I worked for a non-profit organization. Most non-profits do not provide any type of compensation when you're laid off. I guess I should be grateful that I did have some money coming in. I had no idea that this company was NOT putting money into the state/federal unemployment pool and I worked there FOUR YEARS!!!! I need a job, just so I can get "real" unemployment when the time comes.

My medical benefits run out the last of July. Then I don't know WHAT I'm going to do. I NEED to be covered medically. I have many "disorders" and have already had 3 cervical spine surgeries. Now, the doctor says I'm eaten up with arthritis, and have lower back problems now. Thank God I don't have rheumatoid arthritis or anything like that. My sed rate blood test came back normal. YAY!!! But he is sending me to a local rheumatologist. What for, I don't know. I guess I'll find out.

My husband (and I use the term loosely) hasn't worked in FIVE YEARS!!!! He got the state to get him retrained and hesn't done ANYTHING with it. Half the time, I just want to walk out, but I know better with no job and now no money coming in. He gets regular state/federal unemployment, which is good but no medical benefits. Right now I'm paying $467 just to cover ME. I'm scared to death.

What I'm most afraid of is.... what if I DO get a job, and find out I just cannot do it. Physically. About the only position that is comfortable is laying down. Everyone around here thinks I'm lazy or still "on drugs". Nobody in my family has even called to see how I'm doing. My younger sister has all by disowned me and my Dad is following a close 2nd to that.

The only people who I talk to with any regularity is my Mom and older sister (actually half sister, same mom - different dad). But Mom has dementia so bad, I don't know that one day I'm going to call and she will NOT know who I am. I pray that day never comes, but such as it is, my older sister is the one who takes the brunt of the verbal abuse my Mom can and does dish out.

I think I'm done here today for awhile... typing that is. I have permanent nerve damage in my right arm and hand and if I use it too much it starts to just throb. I have reached the throbbing stage so I have to cut this short.