Is there a normal family?

I live in Cape Town with another girl who is my age. We have been friends since we were 15, we are now 25! My flatmate, Lucy*, suffers from a deep dark depression that began 2 years ago when her parens split up.

Lucy* was always a happy, glowing, fun and vivacious girl who suffered from a warped body image, but other wise had a zest for life. When her Dad walked out on her mom, she lost faith in family, in friends and in life. Divorce is never easy on the child of the divorced parents, no matter what age! But her father made it exceptionally difficult for her. Sending emails and texts late at night after he had been drinking. Threatening to cut the family off, calling the children 'f*** ups' and emtionally abusing her mother! Lucy* suffered deeply from these emails and texts. I still sit with her while she crys over the recent fights! What happened to my amazing best friend? Will she ever be the same girl again?

Is there a normal family?

Lucy* and I are two peas in a pod when it comes to a selfish, dysfunctional family. I suffer badly from a family that looks out for only 'me'!

I have a wonderful mother who loves me, this i am sure of, but who loves her dependent selfish sister more. She selfishly wants to 'save the world' (ie. save her terrible disgusting sister from landing on the street) and at times has compromised her childrens happiness to look after her ungratefu sister and her sisters children.

My sister, diagnosed with a boderline personality disorder, is not as sick as she will have my mother believe. She constantly threatens suicide to grab attention, to get what she wants and to manipulate. I, and the rest of the world, can see what she is doing. She has my parents under a complete spell! She is 27 years old. She is lazy, overweight and completely dependent on those around her. She refuses to work and spounges off who ever will give.

My father, oh where to begin! He has been a dispicable man in the past. A successful wealthy business man, he was accused and convicted of fraud. It destroyed our lives. We lost everything, our home, our cars, and at 5 years old my security! He maintains his innocence, and with no questions asked, i believed. Today... I am not too sure i believe! He was emotionally abusive and detroyed my and my sisters self esteem by telling her she was fat, and me, that I was stupid! I am now doing a Masters degree, one which i am almost 100% sure i decided to do to prove him wrong. I am single, and attract men that are no where near worthy of me. I am thrive in a social circle, but only because I learnt from him how to pretend, to get those around me to love me, by saying all the right things!

And on top of these people, my mother, sister and father... i have a grandmother, who once was my best friend.. suffering from alzheimers disease, and doesnt know who I am! She is dependent on the family and it is a constant struggle to look after her.

And on top of all that, my family is broke!! Has been since I can remember, borderline poverty when i was a teenager! The only person working in my family besides my self (and i mean the WHOLE family... extended as well) is my mother, who is 57 years old!

I am trying to deal with this, while working two jobs and a masters degree! Last week i think i was so close to a breakdown. I am scared of what is going on in my head at the moment!

I try to understand, to be brave, to know that God gives you to a family for a reason.

Having said all the above. My mother is a loving woman, who tries, never really making the right decision's, but tries all the same! My father has changed into a semi-kind man, who although still deals with his anger, has shown me love and compassion. My sister, well... im still trying to find the bright side of her! Maybe i resent her too much for leaving me alone to deal with the world, for becoming yet another worry rather than shouldering the burdens with me, to see what i love about her.

I know that all these people will need me one day. And this is not an arrogant comment. I do not wish to see myself as knight on white horse, but i fear it is fact! The need to succeed is not for selfish reasons, but to end the hardships that my whole family has had since i can remember.

I need an outlet, a way to learn to deal with what has been given to me. A way to get rid of the past hurts and to forgive!

Is there a normal family?

My world has been shattered!

My sister came to stay with me during the world cup. Her and i, as i have said, havent had the best relationship so i was dreading it! But when she came i made a concious decision to be kind and nice and make her stay enjoyable.

It went so well. We ended up making dinners and watching movies and enjoying each others company. I was starting to think i had someone to talk to, which i need so badly! But then came the day for her to leave ... and her attitude changed! I realized she was only being nice to get what she wanted out of me. She was using me! why am i so surprised? she is 27 and mooching off my elderly parents! No job, no drivers... no life!

We had a huge fight! massive! she is a large girl and she got violent. I threw her out which maybe wasnt the smartest thing to do, but i was red with anger. i couldnt see straight. But after i apologized said i love her and that i dont want a fight to ruin my relationship with her. I am her little sister,, baby! she replied 'You have thrown me out for the last time, Goodbye!'

I wish i could tell her things, lean on her. I so badly need someone who cares to talk to. Someone who will let me cry and hug me! I dont have a single person!

My dad has always been my hero. I know he has done some very questionable things in his life but i knew deep down inside he was a fighter and good person. I was so so so wrong. I was proud of my parents. They have a shit life but they are so in love!!! i thought that was something i would always live by. If nothing else i set out in my life to find that kind of love. I would selfishly boast about the love my parents have to my friends with divorced parents. Cruel i know, but it was something i had that they didnt!

Well, should a known my arrogant behaviour would come and bite me in the ass. My dad admitted this last weekend, that years ago when he was this hot shot businessman, he had an affair.

I still cant believe it though. I must have heard wrong! He must have said something else... surely. not him, not them! If he cheated on my mom, god.... there is not one faithful man out there.

Anyway, he said it i heard it. whats worse is, my mom doesnt know. i cant fathom why the man told me. does he want to get off his chest, does he want forgiveness from someone?? or did he want to really really hurt me. destroy me actually! that was it. my whole idea of family... built on one big lie! I am like a lost child with no identity, everything around me has come crashing down! What the F am i supposed to do now!

He told me that someone told my mom, many years ago. And she refused to believe them. I am so pissed off with her. How can you be in so much denial, hello... where there is smoke there is fire. He was a rich, american living in south africa!!!!! USE YOUR HEAD WOMAN!

Well i wont tell her, its 20 years too late. there is no point. all this has done is made me hate my hero, question my entire foundation of all my beliefs, and become another jaded, non-believer in love. Another single jaded girl with daddy issues to add to the list!!!

how do i let go of my anger, my hatred! both for my sister and my father? How do i move on from this?

Is it time to realize i have a terrible family and distance myself from them? I am a happy person in general... my issues have always been with my family. They have dragged me down to their depressed, angry, horrible level!

do i distance myself?? time to make my own way, maybe without my family.