May 17, 2012 | Subscribe

i want a real parent

I'm living with my mom consistently for the third time in my life. Now, for the first time I have given up on believing that she can ever truly love me or treat me like a daughter. The first time I lived with her I was very young. I actually remember only about two things from my childhood: 1) sitting in my classroom as a child watching the towers fall on 9/11 on TV and 2) telling my mother when I was eight that I wanted to go to college when I grow up and receiving "Your too stupid for that, you'll never make good enough grades." as her reply. I was a good student as a child, I made straight 'A's at a school for gifted children that you had to take an I.Q. test to even attend. Yet, because I was a little girl and in my eyes at the time what my mother said was law, I believed her and ultimately gave up in school. I fell behind by the 5th grade and by then it was impossible for me to catch up and that has now followed me throughout my life. This is just one example of her putting me down. My whole life was always "Your too stupid.", "Your were a mistake", and "I hate you." from my mother. I'm 19 years of age and she has never once told me that she loves me or even hinted to any such thing. She even avoids touching me; Once her boyfriend asked her to hug me because he is big on family and she refused until he became visibly disturbed by her behavior. She only does nice things towards me when the public is watching. For example I was homeless and living in shelters and under bridges because I hit hard times with the recession and had no savings to fall back on and she only offered me her temporary place on her couch after her friends found out I was on the streets and called her a terrible person. I'm not even allowed to sleep in the bedroom. Yes, I have people who care about me but it's just not the same as having a parent. My father has always been out of the picture and my mother has not only done all of these things but has been completely emotionally non-existent my entire life. I'm a good girl, but I taught myself all of my own morals, I go to myself when I have a real problem, and I can't help but think that if my mother had just given me up for adoption I would be totally different. All I've ever wanted was a parent, somebody to love me unconditionally, real family.

Login or register to post comments
0 Support

By April on Thu, 07-01-10, 18:51

Gosh honey I'm so sorry for what you have had to endure & I'm right here for you. I know this is hard to understand but sometimes parents do that because THEY are lacking in themselves, whatever happened in their rotten life & take it out on the ones that are in their care, it IS & always will be WRONG on EVERY LEVEL & yes it will make some people CRAVE that bonding in life. I gotta hand it to you at least you see it & when its your turn one day you will love & nurture yours huh. Please keep telling your story so all can learn from this type of abuse & not do it or repeat it, your in my heart & I'm thinking of you & you should seek out Domestic & talk w/her.

April

p.s. thank goodness your older now & can make other options to stay outta that toxic crap huh.

Choose wisely, treat kindly

Support Points: 43095

Badges

Offline

By bluidkiti on Thu, 07-01-10, 22:55

Hi herebytaxi, I am so very sorry about how you mother has treated you. Maybe your mother is the way she is because of her upbringing and things that have happened to her in her past and no that doesn't excuse her to treat you as she has. But do know that you are a beautiful person - God's creation. You are special and unique. Keep hanging in there and being the best you can be. Don't believe the negative things that she says about you. You can be the change you wish to see in the world. Keep sharing with us. We are here for you. ((((hugs))))

n/a

Support Points: 42945

Badges

Offline

By Live4Him on Sun, 07-11-10, 22:38

It is very difficult for us to understand why people, especially those we love, do and say hurtful things. What is easy, is being judgmental about it, because of the hurt we feel. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to justify hurtful behavior, but I think it is important to sometimes take a step back from our own hurt to look at the other person also. Everyone's reactions and behaviors stem from some issue, problem, or circumstance. We all react to, cope with, mask, and hide from life's problems in different ways.

Love heals a multitude of sins. Love her through it. I know that a mom should be loving a daughter through the problems and not the other way around, but it is some food for thought. This doesn't mean you have to agree with her behaviors and attitude, this doesn't mean you have to continue to live with her. Maybe just let her know you are hurting, and that you know she is hurting too.

My relationship with my own mother is dysfunctional as well, and I try to just love her through it. I capture every thought so I don't lash back from my own hurt, stand my ground and on my beliefs as an indepenent adult, and just love her in spite of her flaws.

Keep your head up, and don't give up. I pray God will reveal the underlying issue to her so that she can be supportive for you, and you for her.

Support Points: 65

Badges

Offline

By April on Mon, 07-12-10, 12:09

Oh yes, "Fight or Flight mode" there are reasons to find out about past/current problems, issues if one really cares to & we may not like what we'll find be it in ourselves or the other person & still its good to learn.

Choose wisely, treat kindly

Support Points: 43095

Badges

Offline

The information provided on SupportGroups.com is designed to support, not replace, the relationship that exists between a patient/site visitor and his/her health professional. This information and interaction provided on this site is solely for informational and educational purposes and does not constitute the practice of medicine. Information on this site does not replace the advice of your physician or other health care provider. Neither the owners or employees of SupportGroups.com nor the author(s) of site content take responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, procedure, exercise, dietary modification, application of medication or any other action which results from reading this site. Always speak with your primary health care provider before engaging in any form of self treatment. Please see our Legal Statement for further information.