I need help I fear I'm breaking!

My beautiful daughter an granson are staying with me right now.I actrually have two daughters with their babies here.The reason I mention one specifically is due to my past journal entries of all we were going through.As of right now we are working past those things.I'm really happy about that.She has filed for divorce.I pray she goes through with it due to the ongoing abuse he put her through in the past.I'm really having it pretty rough about my marriage right now.This whole month my husband has not wanted me intimately.He is very distant an having major mood swings.I got so lonely I had an affair which fixed nothing.I'm ashamed to even admit it but it's true.I been feeling like he's been having his cake an eating it to for along time.I have no proof but strongly feel he's cheating in one way or the other an has been.We go out in public an he breaks his neck to look at every woman but me.I no men look but he does it right in my face an then tries to deny it.I just feel disrespected by it.If he's gonna look why not on his on time instead of our time.He just seems so adgatated at me all the time for no reason.He seems miserable with me.I tell him if he wants a divorce I will give it to him an we can do it in a easy way.He says thats not what he wants but his actions show other wise.I slept on the couch last nite.He knew I had a doc appt early this morning.He accidently woke me with the door screeching at 2am.I waited a few an walked in on him.He had his ear phones in watching a movie on his computer.I have no idea what it was don't care.Then when I say something about him waking me he goes to bed.His alarm has went off several times knowing he has to take me to my appt but he's still in bed.I can't understand how he knew I was upset an he avoided me an then watched movies.If you really love someone an they hurt by you enough to sleep on couch could you watch movies an blow it off? Is this just a males way of dealing with it or does he lie when he says he loves me?I have no place to go an have a daughter still just 13 to raise.I am on disability due to sezures I've just given up hope.I'm not in postion to leave have asked him to no reply yet.It is so hard to live in the house with the one you love must yet to be completely rejected over an over again.I might also mention he has some kind of mental illness going on.He goes to doc end of this month.He acts like he is a kid still,childish,selfish,angry,impulsive,frustrated,an hyper active,repeats him self alot as well.I don't no what these are signs of but he has these an more.We have no communication.I can pour my soul out to him he listens but usually changes the subject causing me to feel unloved even more.He's the 1st true love of my life but I am hurting.It's easy to say leave but hard when he says he wants me an loves me.I kept wanting him to see me,love me,an desire me,but it don't seem to happen.I don't no what to do.I'm done 35yrs old with not a pot to pee in going nowhere.I'm at one of my lowest points an need help.