my life unravelling

today started just the same as the day before it has. ive been good for 2 weeks. no bulimia but once again my thoughts got the best of me. i barely ate anything but today i wanted to look perfect and be as small as possible. so that little food didnt last inside my stomach. no one knew about my bulimia seceret well atleast not until now. my little brother heard me in the bathroom. told my mother and she said it was her last resort to tell my boyfriend. my heart sank and i realized my world was crashing. i fell to the floor in tears only wanting this to stop wanting it to end and never ever feel the need to purge myself. the anger inside of me was builing up i couldnt control myself the bulimia demon inside was taking control. my mom came inside from talking to my boyfriend and i lost it. some person whom i never seen before came out from within me. i was a monster yelling and screaming and acting out. i even pushed my mother into a table and that was when i realized i was in to deep ive tried quiting on my own but it was time that i needed to face the facts and think it through. i truly was bulimic and now my family and my loving boyfriend new it. they have vowed to help in any way. i need lots of it. im afraid to talk to a counseler i dont like talking to people i dont trust. and dont know. ive been doing this for a year now it all started with a breakup and me feeling that i was not skinny enough to be with him and society was filling my brain with all the skinny people around me. and i strived to be one. so here i am crying out for help. not sure where to go from here. im ont bad enough to be comitted anywhere its not that i do it hardly ever now i just know that my mindset is way off from who i used to be and this monster is in there and i need it out. if anyone has any thoughts on this it would be greatly appreciated. im at a struggle with what to do. ive stopped for 3 months and i know i can end it i just need some support. so please help and leave your thoughts