A perfect marriage gone wrong

I have to say I look back never thinking things would be this bad.I thaught I was being careful with this being a 2nd marriage.I guess I was fooling myself.I met my husband wes at a singles meeting at church.He was the guest singer.He had never been married or had children.I had been married before for 12yrs had 3 lovely little girls.I went up to him to compliment his singing.we briefly talked.He asked for my number then was calling when I walked in my door at home.We talked every nite for hours.I had landline and he had cell we ran up a big bill.It was almost a fairy tell from the beginning.We danced under the stars kissing.We took walks together.He sang to me dedicating songs to me.Our first trip together was to Nashville.It was romantic.He took me to see a waterfall together.We even danced in the rain together.After a year of dating we decided we wanted to marry.He took me to Elvis birth place to purpose.I remember it so well.He looked me in the eyes got down on his knee.Then said my full name told me this is where Elvis began to dream.He said you are my dream.Tears pored into his eyes and said will you marry me? It was so romantic I dropped to my knees with him hugging him under the moon light.Then one year later we were married.We took many more trips over the past few years.There have been so many romantic times.You can not even imagine.After two years of marriage I caught him trying to cheat.When comfronted with the evidence he came clean.He blamed it on our arguements.I tried to get over it but trust was lost.Then not to long after caught him on myspace and itsmy in an attempt to get with other women.I can't tell you how it hurt my self esteem.Then we tried working through it.Then I found out about his porn addication.We almost divorced but didn't.We went to a pastor for advice.He admitted even more stuff to me that brought me even lower about my self.we decided to renew our vows and start over.He took me to gatlinburg to do this.In my opinion it was all about the trip for him rather than about us.We come home for a new start.It wasn't long before his pleasing him self with porn and lust began again.One nite I asked him to shower with him.He told me he wanted to hurry up.Then I walk in on him pleasing himself after telling me no.Imagine that self esteem outloook.He never seems to be happy with me anymore.I mean nothing I do is good enough for him I do.I tell him maybe it's time to go our own ways he don't want to.I'm so confused don't know what I want.I know I'm tired of the tantrums he throws over silly things.I'm tired of feeling unwanted and loved.I don't look at him in admiration any more.I have lost all respect for honesty and trust.In my opinion there is nothing left.I don't want to set myself up for further hurt and lies.I have told him to leave.He packs up just to unpack.He knows I'm pretty much done.He keeps trying to play mind games with me.I used to hope he meant them.I don't set myself up for that no more.I'm simply learning to let go more each day.We are merely no more than roomates and acasional friends.I wonder is this a stage of letting go?Do people really just get so much pain they just began to not care as much no more?I used to await is arrival home,his sweet kisses,and smiles.I now almost get sick to see his face.I'm glad when he is gone less fuss.I no longer wonder about his porn addiction,cheating, and lies.I now expect them and assume them.If any one reads this can you please give me some insight?Am I really letting go?Is this a normal pattern?