May 16, 2012 | Subscribe

Desperate - Skin Picking!! (ocd)

Im too new to this site and so far it seems to be bringing a new distraction and also excillerating exercise. I still can't believe what some people write as it could just have been me writing it! Your not alone at all which I have thought for your years as there are so many others in the world just the same.

My mum had severe OCD as a child and all through out her life with cleanliness (washes hands 100 times) can't bear sticky dirty things to extreme!! It is not as bad as it used to be but the traits are still there!

Its only just recently that as well as depression for 18 years, severe domestic violence in every possible way! and the last 7 years since escaping! that I have
anxiety, panic attacks, self-harm, loneliness, self-destruct, addictiveness (drugs, alcohol, shopping sprees, promiscousity). Now labelled with BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER!

That I actually realised that I also have traits of OCD with my perfectionism in everything! my relentless list writing, but the same as you I self-harm by SKIN PICKING upto maybe 18 hours in a day on a bad day! From someone who had perfect skin - I have badly scarred my body all over - legs, arms, face, boobs, bum, head and private area! Its not cause I have bad skin but I run my hands all over my body on skin surface and the second I find an imperfection (heat bumb) I pick until I gauge and make a whole and re pick and scab and again and again and even pick the scars!

Sometimes I do it without even realising automatically!

Sometimes I do it as I'm cross with myself and want to hurt myself as a relieving anger and frustration!

Sometimes I do it as I hate my self image so much that I think in my head I have to remove the inperfections and it will all be better -- obviously it just makes me 100 times worse!

It has taken over a big part of my life and makes me not want my husband to see me naked or really even to get intimate crossed with alot of other reasons!

I desperately want to stop and would do anything - enough damage is already done - but it still doesn't stop me!

Hope this has helped keep on posting thoughts
take care xxx

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By LJURGENSEN on Wed, 12-08-10, 21:51

I know what you mean about people writing exactly what you are thinking. When you described your problems that led to the diagnosis BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER those are the exact problems I've had throughout the last 10 or so years. They finally diagnosed me as Bi-Polar and the meds really help with everything! Nothing is completely gone though, by any means. I am still a perfectionist and obsess about things that really aren't important. I pick my cuticles, bad. I can relate to the bad skin thing. I used to have terrible sores all over my legs and I was too embarrassed to wear shorts even in 100 degree weather. Its tough not picking at something when you've noticed it. Anything you could do to distract yourself? I know it is hard once you start focusing on the imperfection... What would make you forget until you didn't feel like picking anymore? Anything you could do with your hands instead when u feel like picking?

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