white blank page

He is a white blank page. So beautiful and pure. Free from any knowledge of this disorder that plagues every inch of my being. How do I keep this a secret from him? He is wonderful and I don't want to hurt him. My disorder is slowly spiraling downwards and I can't let him see that. I'm falling to pieces behind this all. He knows nothing. Do I tell hi or maintain my secret.

I haven't been well lately. I've pushed people away again. My disorder is taking over. I can feel it. I'm isolating myself, I'm ignoring phone calls, I just focus on food and plan my purging. I've been down this road before. I can't seem to pick myself up this time. I can't afford a therapist with school taking what little money I make. I'm just an empty shell the more this consumes me. How could I have let myself get here again? I should have expected it. It was bound to happen. But I need to find a way to get back to the state of at least talking to people. I miss my friends and my boyfriend. But even though I miss them, this obsessive thought process that consumes me is winning. Can I just find a tiny hole to climb through to get back to the people I love? Then I'll fix everything else.