May 16, 2012 | Subscribe

not sure about title

I'm 21 and have been bulimic for seven years. I've tried therapy several times and outpatient treatment but nothing seems to work for long. Sometimes I am so determined to quit this disorder but for the last two years I've kind of become apathetic towards it. The amount I purge a day no longer means anything. I'm not worried about how often I exercise or how hard I push myself. I've become a lot harder on myself. I push myself until I am physically weak. I want to master this. I want to be able to say I lost weight thanks to this. God I am a complete mess. The amount of time I devote to this disorder could be spent doing something more productive. But this is all I know. This is all I have. If I quit, what will I have left? Who will I be? Does anyone know what to do to get over this and on the right path? And can you ever truly recover from such a powerful disease?

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