May 16, 2012 | Subscribe

Hate Myself

I'm trying really really hard to love myself, but I don't. I just hate myself so fucking much right now. Everything I do or say is disgusting, and I look in the mirror and just want to tear out my hair.

I'm not good enough. Never ever ever good enough, no matter what I do.

I kept myself from throwing up my ice cream today, that I shouldn't have let myself eat in the first place, and I got on the treadmill instead (I'm not an exercise bulimic - I just thought maybe it would ease some of the guilt), but I only went a mile before my knees are throbbing and my feet hurt and I just quit. Again, as usual, I quit. And then I threw up my ice cream. Because I'm a horrible disgusting person, and I'm never going to be anything else. I wonder why I bother.

It's days like these that I wish my suicide attempt worked, so many years ago.

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By tobestrong on Thu, 07-22-10, 18:48

Please don't give up. It's a constant struggle, I know, but keep on treading. We are our own worst enemy and fatally greatest critic; we have this standard we want to reach or uphold, thinking only of the result and forgetting that the process is what is keeping ourselves down in the rut.

I don't know you but you are not a horrible disgusting person, AnonAnon. We all have two sides: the dark and the light. The dark is telling your light that you are disgusting but you let your light tell your dark that they can shove it because you are a beautiful person.

If strength can transcend cyber space, I give you the little strength that I have - VAAAAASHOOOOM!

Support Points: 125

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