Living with BPD - Feeling out of control!

Hiya, Your not alone hun, the feelings and traits you have mentioned are all typical borderline personality traits! But there are also a big variety of factors that can make up each individual diagnoses completely different but still labelled with the same illness. I must say first and foremost you MUST go back to your doctors and although difficult I know and embarrassing you must really explain how bad you are feeling (when you are at your worst) and that you cant cope and need something to help with these feelings. Especially if your having no sleep and suicidal thoughts. Medication isn't the answer long term and won't make everything okay but it help in the short term to hopefully keep you a little more stable. Ive read and looked in depth over the years about peronality disorders and the various types etc...so I thought that you may find it helpful if I send you some links of very good and helpful and easy to understand websites that I have visited. I say this as when I was intially diagnosed I went onto the internet looking for information and like all things there are some sites which really don't help you and actually really concerned me. So if I put a variety of links at the end of this message I hope you get the chance to look at them and read them or print them out so you can read them again if unsure. Then send me a post back and let me know how you feel or what you think and I will keep in touch with you - it will hope us both. I don't like going out of the house very often quite alot of the time, I don't have much if any social life really - an occassional visit from a few friends that are on one hand. I do the total shut down thing with everyone - not get dressed, not answer phone, curtains or door. My past haunts me in many ways too. I got involved with drugs too many years ago with my ex-partner whom I suffered domestic violence in every possible way to extreme. I left that situation nearly 8 years ago but I still turn to drugs & alcohol just to try and feel confident and normal and able to do daily things! I'm my worst own enemy - it's the worst thing we can do as it enchances all of our mental health issues a million percent - and what goes up must come down but ten times worse although we will never admit that - it is true! The only thing I know I'm good at is helping and supporting others and I always help everyone except myself - well I'm last if at all. But I can't help that thats my make-up and even when I get better as in learn to live with my illness (as it's not curable) but you can learn to live with it with therapy which gives you the tools and coping stratagies to live a much better happier life. But it takes a long time (it won't happen over night) it also takes commitment and a real want to change things for yourself! You need your doctor to refer you to the mental health team - if you don't persist or ask you won't get it! I hope this has been helpful and hope to hear from you soon. Websites - http://www.nice.org.uk/nicemedia/pdf/CG78PublicInfo.pdf
http://www.dorsethealthcare.nhs.uk (NHS Foundation Trust Information sheets 1,2 & 3)
http://www.bpd-mind.fsnet.co.uk/links.html ( has a lot of info sheets including depression, alcohol&drugs, anxiety etc)
http://www.borderlineuk.co.uk
http://www.bpdworld.org
http://www.rethink.org

Take care xxxxxx