Does anyone associate themselves to this? Or is it just me???

Life is so complex and difficult, it seems sometimes. I relate to the ups and downs. Thank you for sharing. You have seen affliction. Wherever you are, you can call out to God, ask Him these questions, and wait to see what happens. I believe He has great compassion for you. If you have a bible, read Lamentations 3. Best wishes, and I am praying for you.

One time one of my psychiatrists told me to stop going to Bible studies because it was confusing me, and making me feel guilty. He had obviously never experienced the transforming power of the gospel.

I remember jogging on a quiet, beautiful trail, and every time I cross a babbling brook, I knew that was God's love note to me. When I see birds, I think of God. Is there an animal or natural wonder that makes you think of Him?

I know this post might seem like I'm in la la land..."Oh, God will give you peace, blah blah blah..." but I have been in your place, and will probably visit that low again, and the only thing that gives me hope is Christ's love. Because He is the only one who understands fully. And there is power in His name. Try it.

I am still hoping for full healing and recovery, and I am rooting for you too!

I struggle from one minute to the next with who I am, how I feel, how I should feel.. it's like I have many masks but my real face is blank. And most of the time everything just hurts.
I was just diagnosed with BPD and I am more confused than ever. And everything you said makes perfect sense to me and I know there is probably an endless ongoing list of thoughts, emotions, anxieties and feelings you can come up with to describe it.
RecoveringJa, BPD is a complex psychiatric disorder and telling people who are struggling and possibly suicidal to read the Bible isn't going to help anyone. Perhaps you should be on an exclusively Christian website. It's nice of you to try to help and offer kind words but the reality of it is it doesn't quite work that way. A person suffering from BPD is not suffering a case of the blues as a result of life being "complex and difficult," they are suffering from a very complex and misunderstood medical condition that manifests itself through constant mental and emotional distress.
Imagine if you had a really terrible headache and someone told you to pray instead of taking Advil? You'd probably think they were insane.
Or maybe not. I know I would though.
Please try to see things from a more realistic point of view.
Thanks.

Wow, I'm going to try to choose my words wisely.
BPD is definitely a complex disorder. I know first hand since I am struggling with it as well. While I respect other peoples opinions and beliefs, God is as real as anything gets for me. I see in everyday life how so many people struggle with so many different trials. The ones I see making it through the right way are the ones that have some kind of belief. Going through constant mental and emotional distress is what brought me to God. I WISH my mother and father taught me the love of God. Then I wouldn't be so damn dependent on the love of people. People that makes mistakes and can only love to the best of their human ability. I don't want my daughters' world to crash any time someone doesn't like something about them or when they hold their own standards to perfection and fall short. Knowing Gods love is exactly what I need to be healthy.
Another point is in a proven methodology to help those suffering from BPD or one that stuggles with overwhelming feelings... ironic, that's how Unconditional started off writing about her overwhelming feelings... So, an important step in DBT is to "Identify your higher power." Again, I'm not saying it has to be God or that it even should be.... but "Believing in something divine, holy, or special can help you endure stressful situations as well as help you soothe yourself." I'm quoting because this comes from three doctors who wrote a book on...DBT. Fashioned after.... Marsha Linehans research. Which brings me back to the point of what I believe Recoveringja was trying to make... Being reminded of Gods glory (again, whatever higher power you believe in)gets people through. Seeing the birds, brook, lions, tigers, and bears , oh my... shows how powerful God is. It also reminds us that we don't have to carry these burdens. Its not all on us to fix or get better. It's a tool that gets you through. God is working on us and it won't always be this way. Sure take medication, but do you jump up and go to a concert hoping your headache will go away. No, you take your medication in conjunction with laying down or taking it easy.

I'm sorry Unconditional, I got caught up with that response. I definitely feel you on the ups and downs, not knowing what I'm going to feel the next moment. Some days I get everything done. Others, like this weekend, I sit in the house and feel so down. I recently started on an anti-depressant and I just don't feel it. I just felt like giving up. What's the point? While my faith is growing stronger every single day, I still stuggle. I try to use a number of tools to help me. I'm sure you can see by my first response that God is one of them. I try to be consistent with working out also. I've been riding my bike for miles and miles. I rode on Saturday over 40 miles and it just clears my mind. Its an escape. Its funny that I was able to do that on Saturday but Sunday and Monday I stayed in the house all day. Well, I'm saying all of this to say I know exactly how you feel. Don't give up, life will get better. Do your part in getting yourself better.

Hi Unconditional.  I understood EVERYTHING you said!  (You could have been describing ME.)  I wanted to share a poem with you that was written by someone who was deep into the self-injury aspect of borderline personality disorder.  She, the author Terresa Anderson, was also consumed with rage, self-hate, and wild mood swings that hit without warning for over thirty years before she was finally diagnosed, six years ago, and successfully treated with outpatient counseling and a LOT of hard work in practicing the skills she learned.  It didn't happen quickly, but it DID happen!  At her last visit with her therapist, she tearfully presented him with a framed copy of the following poem.  (A poem that I think can offer us all hope!)
JOYFUL HEART

My heart is overflowing/ with the joy of being loved/ at last the fog has lifted/ there is light where darkness was/ I saw the world in black and white/ a choice I never knew/ to see beyond the "borderline"/ I didn't have a clue/ My hate for me was more than strong/ and love I pushed away/ my will to live was all but gone/ until you came my way/ at last I felt a glimpse of hope/ for the first time in my life/ someone listened to my words/ and saw the pain inside/ perhaps there was a chance for me/ perhaps I could be loved/ but first it had to start with me/ this foreign thing called love/ and so with fear, the work began/ the journey seemed too long/ without you holding steady/ I believe I'd long be gone/ but steadfast and true, you never wavered/ your guidance always there/ my trust in you began to grow/ I had someone to care/ and step by step, I've come this far/ to a place where I can see/ that to truly love another/ begins with love for me/ because of all I've learned/ and with the insight I have gained/ my heart is truly bursting/ with love instead of pain/ my love for me is growing/ getting stronger day by day/ I never thought it'd happen/ but then you came my way/ now here I am, with a joyful heart/ glad to be alive/ giving thanks to God and you/ for standing by my side.

I can't believe I came to this group desperately seeking hope and help and all I'm seeing is GOD this and that THE BIBLE this and that, Angels etc., I find it highly offensive when dealing with a life threatening disorder to sum it with religious truisms (or falsims)- Go to church and thump your bible, don't do it here where people are at serious risk- Has it ever occurred to you that you could be hurting instead of helping? I'm about to give up on this- so much for support.

Raquel, I couldn't agree more – see my comment above. Looks like the God Squad has hijacked yet another public forum.
Guess the rest of us heathens are gonna have drag our dirty souls elsewhere for support!

Wow! Why don't you tell us how you REALLY feel? This is the first time I've seen the MEAN side of anyone in this group. I came here wanting to help and be helped. It has NEVER been my intention to offend or hurt anyone. I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. I guess I AM worthless after all. Thank you Raquel and Cans for squashing what little I had left.

You feel like you've been kicked in the stomach because two people out of millions on a public forum aren't down with preaching? My comment didn't even have anything to do with you. I'm not being mean, I'm speaking for the millions of people who come to an anonymous website for support, many who are here because they cannot afford a therapist or don't have access to one otherwise, and all they find is that they're being preached to. If anyone should feel like they've been kicked in the stomach it should be us.
After all, we're apparently in the minority - seems like if we're not praising Jesus we just get ignored.
No surprise there though, since our culture consistently and unfailingly glorifies pretty much only two things - one of them being money, the other, religion.
Maybe if more of us stopped wasting time worshipping and praying to an abstract deity and put more energy into turning our healthcare system around, less of us would be on message boards complaining to strangers and feeling bad about ourselves and cutting ourselves and contemplating suicide.
Something to think about while you go to church and pray to Jesus to give you more friends or more money or a nicer car or a better nose.

Wow...it sounds like im reading one of my journal entries....darn i can relate to this sooo much. And other people dont get that it bothers me that i dont know how im going to feel in an hour. When im in relationships im constantly stressing about having mood swings....which makes me have mood swings. The more i worry about all these things the more i get triggered. But i cant stop thinking about this stupid disorder and i feel that if i can only talk to someone about it i will feel better. My parents try to support me too, but they also have this severe guilt about my diagnosis which makes me feel worse about it. I havent been able to get out of bed for 2 days and tomorrow i have to go back to work where i cant talk to anyone about this either. Having major cravings to self injure. Urg the point is i get how you are feeling.