May 16, 2012 | Subscribe

diabetic binge eater

I've suffered with just about all eating disorders imaginable, and it's gone on since I was 15 I'm now 20. I was first a compulsive eater from around 10 to 15 and then it swung the other way and I became anorexic and was hospitalised. After that I came out and got "better". I never stopped being obsessed with food. Now I'm at uni and over thhe past 6-8 months or so I've been binge eating, often late at night, when I get stressed, and when there is no one around and I'm tempted by sweet foods. Unfortunately it's realy really messing up my diabetes. Today for example, my blood sugar was off the meter which is dangerous. I'm trying hard to overcome it, but I just never seem to get it right. I've gained so much weight, which is horrible when people look at you and you know exactly what they're thinking. I sometimes wish I were anorexic again, but then I know that the whole chunk of my life was a relaly rough patch and I got held back a year. I guess I just want to keep a blog. Sometimes when you put things in words I think it's helpful and releases some of the stress that makes me want to binge.

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By ms on Sat, 05-29-10, 13:51

OK, so today I got back from a fantastic night out. And then had a hypo (low blood sugar) around 6am. I got up and instead of just having something small to boost it, I consumed ALOT. 4 icecreams, 2 handfuls of raisins, some cereal, a spoon of peanut butter, a spoon of nutella...the list goes on. Half of this isn't mine...I feel so ashamed and know I'll run to the local shop and buy everything gto replace it, then tomorrow I'll probably just repeat it all over again. I feel sick, I feel anxious and drained at the same time. I wish I wwere able to make myself sick, only I've tried and it doesn't work. I take a jab of insulin - I'mliterally injecting fat onto myself and I could skip and absorb none of the calories from the carbohydrates, but I would just end up in hospital with them flushing LOADS of insluin through me. THis is more fat. I intend to go for a swim when the pool opens, but instead I fall asleep with a textbook in my hands. After a really long sleep I check my blood sugar level and it's off the meter. I go for a swim and stay in the pool an hour and a quarter annoyed at myself for taking breaks (but it's the only way to sustain), I wanted to swim for a bit longer but I can feel my blood sugar dropping. I get out the pool and really don't eant to eat but have to in this situatino. I ate an apple and 3 raw carrots as this doesn't feel too bad.

Ok..this is what happened today. I anyone understands and feels like this is familiar, or that they've overcome it atall adn have any advice I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm losing a battle here and the more I try to win, the more I seem to fail. I'd be very grateful.

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