Late night thoughts

Life is hard, then you die. Get over it.

That's advice I'm trying to wrap my head around. I take that back, I can understand with my head but it's not yet understood by my heart.

I've been disillusioned by television with promises that everything will work out for the main character, and a satisfying conclusion will be the end result. My life isn't like a movie. It's a series of events. Some of them are good, some of them are bad.

I keep trying to think of what will make me happy, but I know happiness is an illusion. Or rather, it is an emotion to be experienced periodically but will not remain permanently. Happiness comes in bursts.

Contentment is my goal. Being comfortable with who I am, what I've got, living in the here and now, loving my family as best I can.

Telling myself when I ask, "Is there more to life?" to reply, "There's other things to do in life, but you will be the same person wherever you go and whatever you do. So learn to be content in the here and now, otherwise it won't happen."

I don't think there's any magic event or pursuit that will unlock an unquenchable passion in my life. Some things may stir me up, but the feeling will not remain. I have to come to grips with how to pursue what I may be passionate about when I'm not feeling like it. Social justice, for instance. Or learning to play the guitar.

*Sigh. I need to exercise more. Exercise will help me to be content and more satisfied with myself. I just hate to exercise. Eating right too. Perhaps getting involved with a support group again.