Basics

I've suffered from depression pretty much all of my life. Things certainly have not gotten better lately. In the last couple of years, my father was diagnosed with cancer, my grandmother became very ill, and I began drinking more. Once my dad was sick, I began binge drinking. I didn't drink that often, but sometimes when I did, I'd drink and drink and drink. Basically, I will drink until either I run out, pass out, or someone sees what I'm doing and demands I stop.
Time went by and I lost both my father and grandmother within a couple of months. I had been working on not binging and doing pretty well, but suddenly, I relapsed. And this time, I took down someone else with me. Someone I love more than anything. Because of my binging recently, he is suffering. Not only emotionally, but legally. Because of my actions, I've basically ruined someone's life.
Not only am I afraid of what will happen to them and pray that everything will work out (because it was not their fault), I worry that this will destroy us. And I'm pretty positive of what would happen if that were to occur. I would have nothing left to live for. The only thing holding me back would be what it would do to my mother.
I don't know how to handle any of this, but I've decided not to drink. If I can constantly maintain control of myself and not binge, that'd be one thing. But until I'm sure of that, I can't risk it. As for the rest of the events taking place, only time will tell.