Anxiety is taking over me :(

I had work this morning and even though I tried to get my mind off of my family situation, it was not much help. I haven't talked to my father since the incident where he lashed out at me. I guess I'll explain what happened and more about my background.

Thursday night was my brother's graduation from middle school. I was planning on attending the graduation and then going to a midnight screening of Toy Story 3 with my boyfriend and our two other friends. As soon as my father got home from work, he started to yell at me, telling me that I wasn't going out at midnight and that I was continually pissing him off. He went on to say that all I do is ruin things and get him mad. When my mom tries to stop him from yelling at me, he tells her to shut up. I go to my room, in tears, because I feel like all I wanted to do was go out to a movie and my father had to overreact and bash me. My father continued to rage at me, threatening to kick me out of the house and telling me that he hates when I go out late (the latest I've ever been home is 1AM). I don't usually drink or party. When I go out it's usually to a friend's house. I wish my father's ranting had ended with him just telling me that I couldn't go to the movies, however, it didn't. He kept telling me how worthless I was, how much I ruin everything and how I always get him mad. Even though he left my room and stopped yelling at my face, he continued to yell downstairs and direct his anger towards my mom, who only tried to stop the situation from getting worse. I spent an hour crying in the car, after everything had happened. My boyfriend went down to where my brother's graduation was being held, in order to help calm me down. He said that everything my father said about me wasn't true and that he needs to see how great of a person I am.

That night my mom came to talk to me and told me that I need to prove to my father that I am a good person and that I can make something out of my life and I need to show him that I'm not the mistake that he thinks I am.

Friday was my father's birthday. I locked myself in my room, sleeping and crying most of the day. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was miserable and I wished the events from the previous night did not happen. I didn't eat until very late at night.

I still feel horrible about everything. I'm trying to get the idea out of my head that I'm a failure. I feel like I will never be good enough for my father. I hate how he uses fear and not respect to get what he wants. I'm sick and tired of the verbal abuse that he lashes out to everyone. I hate how he makes me feel and how he succeeds in destroying me.